The New Normal

I had a hard time deciding what to title this post. Other possibilities were: Life With Three, Life in the Trenches, "How Are You Adjusting to Three?", and Livin' the Young Family Dream. But I decided "The New Normal" was most fitting.

Wow! It's been an adjustment! A hard adjustment! Right at the same time that James was born, Robert got to the point of crossing into the land that he'll be in forever of needing to work all day everyday (and sometimes through the night. More on that in a later post). Up until this point I've had Robert's help 90% or more of the day everyday. So at the same time that I gained a 3rd child, I lost Robert's constant help (he's still a huge help when he can be. He just can't help all of the time like he used to), and on top of that it was the holiday season which in itself is always a busy time. For the most part I kept it together until we were in Arizona for Christmas. Once there, I think I got my first case of real bad postpartum blues. At least once a day everyday I would have to go close myself in a room and sob for a little while - sometimes a LONG while. We would spend time with Robert's family and I would cry that we weren't spending enough time with my family. We would spend time with my family and I would cry that we weren't spending time with Robert's family. We would spend time with friends and I would cry that we weren't with family. We would cancel plans with friends and I would cry that we were awful people. James would wake me up early, I would cry that I was so tired. I would sleep in, and then I would cry that we would be late to whatever. And then there were the REALLY serious things (that's sarcastic), like putting too much sugar in a cookie dough recipe that would make me completely meltdown. I was a mess!

Emotions aside James was also somewhat of a rough baby at the start. He would spit up very often and a huge amount. He is also tongue tied which they clipped in the hospital, but it was still causing issues with breastfeeding. It was very frustrating for both of us. He couldn't get a good latch which would cause me tons of pain and would make it so he would take a long time to eat, constantly need to be relatched, get tired, and stop eating before he was full. Then he would spit up EVERYTHING he ate, and less than an hour later the whole process would start again.

In other words, life for James' first month or two was ROUGH. It's a good thing he's cute and likes to cuddle. At my lowest moments I would just cuddle him and forget about everything else for a while and it would make everything be okay.

And slowly but surely things are getting better and better. The holidays passed, taking their craziness with them. My hormones leveled out. Robert's figuring out how to balance his schedule and increased workload while also trying to set aside time for me and the kids (a lifelong battle, I know). I started exclusively pumping and feeding James from a bottle because he has a MUCH easier time with a bottle, and I'm thankful that I am blessed to be able to keep a more than plenty milk supply while only pumping. And James has been spitting up less and less (still spits a lot, but not nearly as much as the first month) which makes him stay fuller for longer between feedings.

And I've accepted the following realities:

--My house will not be clean most of the time, and that's okay.

--We will be late. (Still working on accepting this one. I may have burst into tears on Sunday as I realized pulling into the church parking lot that we were 10 minutes late when I thought we were on time.)

--I can't do it all and have to cut some things out until another season in my life. (More on that in a month or two)

--I have to take control of my schedule each day or the day will take control of me.

--When the day does take control of me, that's okay. It will happen. Try again tomorrow.

--As long as I'm trying, I'm not failing.

For James reading this in the future, you've been worth EVERY MINUTE of this adjustment!! The addition of your sweet spirit to this family makes us feel so blessed that we feel our hearts could explode with love, and we're better parents for it. We can't wait to see what other ways you'll help us learn and grow.

This is our New Normal, and we like it :)