Get Well Gifts

Lucky you! Two posts in one day ;)

I am loved :) There have been a couple of times that I have gotten get well gifts right when I needed them. After my mom went home, I got really down and lonely and in a pretty bad funk. Then these arrived.

From my dear friend since she was my Primary teacher when I was 8. There was also
chocolate, but they didn't survive long enough to be part of the picture :)

And these cards from a dear friend in our ward here and her kids, 2 of which I teach piano.

They were the perfect pick me up. Then today, I'm trying to get as much back into the swing of things as I can now that neither my or Robert's mom is here. I had three goals: one load of laundry, one load of dishes, and straighten up the living room. Simple enough right? Compared to what I normally did, that should be a piece of cake. I brought the load of laundry downstairs, straightened up the living room, and I was done! Exhausted and so sore! So I did what I was supposed to do and laid down, and here's where I've been ever since. Following doctor's orders, but I was super frustrated that recovery couldn't be going faster. Then there was a knock and this package of goodies at my door from my new cousin-in-law, Lisa Landreth.

A comfy scarf, cookies, head massager, hot chocolate, leg and foot lotions,
a puzzle, chocolates, rubiks cube, and cozy socks.

Amazing right!!!

There have been so many people that have been there for me through all of this. I copy, pasted, and counted up all of the facebook posts surrounding my surgery and recovery into a word document. There were over 1000 likes, posts, and comments. Then there's the meals, visits, and babysitting help from our friends and ward family. It makes me think of a quote by Pres. Spencer W. Kimball:

"God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs."

Thank you all, friends and family, for helping me through all of this. I don't know what I would have done without all of the support. Please know that it hasn't gone unnoticed.

P.S. Our camera is currently missing via Lydia hiding it. So until further notice, all pictures will be from our phones.

Robert

Oh Robert :)

Where do I begin?

He's amazing. He's my love. 

He's going to be REALLY embarrassed when he sees I did a post just about him. :)

He has and continues to be my rock through this whole surgery business.

I cry. He consoles.

I'm in pain. He comforts.

I get frustrated. He makes me laugh.

I am so lucky to have him. No person or marriage is without it's imperfections. We've had our bumps, but we've always and will always get through them. I call him my "perfect for me" husband, because that's what he is. He may not be perfect, but he is perfect for me. He is strong in areas or times I am not but uses that strength to help me become better, and vice versa. He is my companion and best friend and will be forever.

He is also a father and the head of our home. The best young father I've ever seen. So patient, so loving, and so protective. He cries at just the thought of something bad happening to our girls. He hates taking the girls to their well-child checks because he hates to see them in pain when they get their shots. The girls have him completely wrapped around their little fingers, and they absolutely adore him. But most importantly in my book, he is a faithful father. I was just watching this video...

I am so blessed to have a husband that is as equally committed to my faith as I am, and who helps to raise our girls to also be just as faithful. My heart goes out to those amazing women that are in situations where they are forced to raise their family on their own, temporally or spiritually or both. I know it can be done. I've seen it be done, but I am so thankful that's not me. I have Robert, and I hope to never forget to be thankful for that.  He is my children's earthly father, but knows we owe everything to our Heavenly Father and the only way to true and everlasting happiness is to follow in His and Jesus Christ's example. And little by little, we together will teach our children that most important principle of life.

I love Robert. I love our faithful family.

In Other News...

Two Announcements:

First: Lydia and Mary will soon be launching their careers as rock stars. 

Second: Lydia ate an apple!!!!! It's only the second fresh fruit or vegetable (the first being a banana) we have been able to get her to eat willingly without hiding it in a smoothie or yogurt or something. This is HUGE ladies and gentlemen seeing as how she is the pickiest eater on the planet! It's the little victories that make life happy. 

She wanted me to take a picture that she swallowed it all gone :)

These are exciting times folks ;)

Brain Surgery - The 2013 Edition

FAIR WARNING: This post contains a few pictures of my incision with and without staples. I don't think they are gruesome, PG rated even. There's no blood, but it is a 5 inch incision at the back of my head held together with staples. I understand if some people wouldn't want to see that.

Monday, the 7th, was the surgery. We got to the hospital bright and early at 6:00am. Our dear friends, the Doltons watched the girls for us the day of the surgery.

My support team in the pre-op room.

Mommy. I just started crying all over again. I'm so glad
and grateful she was here. There are not words.

And my husband. The man who deserves an award for husband and father of the century.

Wheeling me off to surgery. If it was going to be
my last picture, I wanted to go out smiling :)

The surgeon told us it should be about a 3 hour procedure, maybe a little longer since they'd be working through the scar tissue from the last time. The procedure consists of removing part of the skull, shaving off part of the top vertebrae, removing some of the soft tissue from the cerebellum tonsils, shrinking back the tonsils, and patching it up from there. Obviously I had already had all this done, so they were going to go in, do the same thing taking out a little bit more of everything, basically any and everything that could be taken out in hopes that it won't recur again.

Instead of 3 hours, the whole thing took 7. Apparently there was quite a bit of bony regrowth at the previous skull removal spot. This complicated the surgery a bit and was especially difficult to remove, but eventually they were able to complete everything successfully. 

Coming out of the anesthesia, just like 10 years ago, I was very nauseous. I also experienced what's called "respiratory depression" at first meaning I wasn't breathing often and/or deep enough. Because of this they didn't want to give any pain meds that would worsen either of these symptoms but that were still strong enough to manage the pain. So the first couple of days in ICU were pretty bad. Not to mention that the doctor warned us that the extra complicated surgery would make recovery harder this time than last time. Once things got kind of balanced out they moved me to a regular room.

Yay for being in a regular room! Here I am drugged, exhausted,
and unable to move my neck. Breathtaking, I know.

I started doing a little better every day and was released the Friday after the surgery with the souvenir of a 5 inch incision stapled together with a grand total of 23 staples.

My incision on my release date. Please excuse the 5 days of bedhead.
The surgeon was very kind to take as little hair as possible.

10 days after surgery

Since I've been home I've felt a little bit more normal every day. I have my collection of prescriptions I take, as well as another set of prescriptions to help with the side effects of the first set.

Yep, I could open my own pharmacy ;)

I'm having to rely on all of them less and less. However, the simplest physical activity (helping Mary onto the couch or walking up the stairs too fast) put me over the edge pain wise again and I'd have to be laying in bed for the rest of the day, but I can do a tiny bit more everyday. My mom was here until the 16th, and Robert's mom has been here since the 18th helping out with everything. The hardest part for me right now is that I'm starting to feel normal which makes it more tempting to do more than I should. Then I do too much and regret it painfully. So I'm just trying to stay positive and cheerfully accept my forced laziness and slowly do what I need to to get my strength slowly but fully back. I did however get out for the first time this past Monday, a quick trip to Costco and back. I know, I'm a little dare devil ;)

I had my first post-op appointment on Wednesday. I got my staples out and the doctor cleared me to start going out in public and hold my girls while standing up but I still can't lift them. He cringed when I said I had already been out to Costco, but said that was okay to do now so long as someone is with me to push the cart. I'm allowed to walk and I'm supposed to try to do a little more of that everyday, but be careful not to overdo. Basically I'm supposed to listen to my body. Nap when I feel like I need to nap, stop doing something right away if it feels like it's straining me, etc. I meet with them again in another 2 weeks and they'll tell me more of what I can and can't do :)

Here's the cut staple-free...

The day I got my staples out, 1/23/2013. The redness and irritation
from the lower staples (which itched SOOO much! So glad to have those out)
 has already cleared up a lot. It's looking better and better everyday.

And that's where we are now. Taking life a day at a time and thankful that I have days to take :) Further reports to follow.

Christmas Vacation Wrap-Up

Well most of the rest of my vacation time was spent laying on the couch watching movies and playing my guitar. But there were a few more fun times before we headed home.

New Year's
We spent New Year's with Robert's family and friends. Playing games and eating all night long, and then setting off firecrackers, banging on pans, and lighting sparklers at midnight.

Mine and Robert's first attempt at a cheesy sparkler message.
It's supposed to be "I 'heart' U"

Airbrush Fun
My parents got one of the new Crayola Airbrush things for Christmas. My sister, Aubrie, and I had some fun with them. Basically we could be professionals.

Haircut Time
It was time for a trim for both of the girls. My sister, Breanna, was happy to oblige. Obviously, Mary doesn't have much hair, but it was getting kinda long and really scraggly in the back. First up was Lydia...

Thank goodness for Netflix on my smartphone to keep
her distracted and holding still with Dora. 

Cute as a button :)

Then Mary's turn. We did it right after she woke up from her nap, so she was out of it and held still without any distracters. This is the only picture we got before the camera died. Technically it's her first real haircut if we don't count the time that I butchered her hair with clippers. I'm trying to forget about that :(

Homeward Bound

My mom rode back with us to be here for the surgery so I sat in the backseat in the middle of the girls. It was an adventurous drive.

Playing with one of Lydia's Christmas presents. I asked her to smile and this
 is what I got. Lesson learned: She does better if you tell her to say cheese :)

She wrapped the doll up in the blanket on her own and everything. Too cute :)

Lydia pretended to feed herself these bananas for a long time.
Now if only we could get her to eat real food :)

One funny moment on the drive home, was this conversation with Lydia...

Lydia (in a very sad, quiet voice): Where's my mommy and daddy?

Me: What Lydia?

Lydia: SH! (quickly covering my mouth with her hand) I'm talking to my dragon!

(a minute later)

Lydia: Mom my dragon bit my head off!

Me: Really?

Lydia: (cracking up) Yeah! It's so silly!

She cracks me up! Anyway, that was the jist of our drive. We got home at about 10:00pm, had Sunday to rest and recuperate, and then Monday was surgery go time.

What Would Be In My Book?

Alright, it's time for me to get some serious thoughts down. Please bear with me. I'm not writing this down with any thoughts of "Please, pity me!" or hopes of getting a ton of "hang in there" comments. Just one thought that I often had about my last surgery was that I wish I had recorded more of my thoughts and emotions in the moment instead of waiting until after the fact and reflecting back on it. That being said, here we go.

6 days

6 days until I go "under the knife" again.

With holiday busyness and being away from home, it's been easy to shove my thoughts and fears about it aside and not really think about how it is actually going to happen. However, in the past few days it's all been catching up to me. A good friend and past church leader of mine asked on Sunday how I've been doing emotionally. My answer then and still is that most of the time I feel like I'm doing okay then there are other times where my emotional stability feels really thin and fragile, like Saturday night. I had a total meltdown moment.

No surgery is without risks. General complications of any surgery include bleeding, infection, blood clots, stroke, reactions to anesthesia, and death. I know the possibility of death is very rare. Modern medicine is amazing, but death IS a possibility and that scares me. I received 2 priesthood blessings of healing on Saturday. One that morning after a particularly rough night, given to me by Robert and my dad and then another Saturday night by Robert, Dad, my brothers, and several brothers-in-law given in preparation for the surgery. Every priesthood blessing is a thing to be cherished. I am so grateful for all of the worthy priesthood holders in my family and Robert's family. I cannot describe the feeling of love and protection I felt as I was encircled by these valiant men of my family. The Spirit was felt so strong it was as if you could reach out and grab it. I felt a significant amount of peace as I was told again and again that everything would be "taken care of." "Your husband will be taken care of. Your sweet daughters will be taken care of..." But more than anything in both blessings I wanted to hear the exact words that I would survive the surgery and live. But if blessings always had the exact words we asked for or if life always played out exactly as we prayed for, there would be no need for faith, and without faith there would be no spiritual growth. These blessings were no exception, and the trial of my faith continues. 

I was telling Robert all of this on the drive home from the family party Saturday night. His response was that all of my life he has watched me be a very positive, influential person to all those around me, and if it is my time to go it is because it is time for me to use that influence for a grander purpose on the other side, and although it would be hard for him and others that I would leave behind, we are so fortunate to have the knowledge and testimony of our eternal plan, that we will all be together again forever. I fully agreed and had already thought of all this as well, but I asked him the question that I had been thinking over and over...

"But what would you tell our girls?"

With that the flood gates opened and I sobbed into his shoulder a good portion of the 45 minute drive home as we pondered that question. Once I regained control, I asked Robert what he was thinking. He said, "Well, I'm thinking that if you don't make it, I would send a Facebook message and email out to every one we know asking them to write some memories and things down about you, as little or as much as they wanted, and then I would put it all together in a book for the girls so they could read about you and know you." I liked the thought of that. :)

This got me thinking, and I've been pondering about it ever since. What would be in my book? If every person I've ever come in contact had an entry in my book what would the overall feel of my book be? Then I started thinking about individual people and what their contribution would be. Yes, there are some regrets. People I wish I had been better, more Christlike to, but, for the most part, I've had amazing experiences and happy times with a lot of wonderful people. There's still more I should have done and hope I will still have the chance to do. Ways I could have served more or just been a better person. So in honor of New Year's resolutions my motto for 2013 is going to be "Be your BEST self!" And I hope to strive to do that throughout the year and the rest of my life.

Also maybe, as you try to be your best self, you could ponder...

What would be in your book?

When all is said and done, even though I am on this emotional roller coaster I cannot finish this post without also saying that I feel extremely close to the Savior through this. I am constantly praying for strength and comfort and know that others are doing the same on my behalf, and at my lowest moments I feel those prayers lifting me up through the times that I don't have the strength to deal with it on my own. He is always there, and that gives me peace.